Lessons on Leadership from the Little Things in Life: Not Everyone Thinks the Same Way

Life is full of examples that teach us lessons. That’s why stories and illustrations make learning so much more effective. When a story can be used to illustrate or demonstrate a valuable lesson, the story makes it much more understandable, relatable, and memorable. With that in mind, I want to take some time to do just that – share examples of circumstances and stories experienced in everyday life which illustrate leadership lessons that we can learn and apply. This is one of those examples, and it serves as a reminder that not everyone thinks the same way.

My daughter was sitting with my 6-year-old grandson trying to decide on something to watch on tv together, and she asked him what movie he wanted to watch. He paused for a minute, then he said that it was taking a minute for his brain to process the name of the movie he was thinking of, because the doors that the name was behind in his brain were closed, and so he would be able to think of it in a minute when the doors opened. Yes, those were actually the words he used, including the statement that his brain was processing the name. After a minute, he said that none of the locks worked on the door, but that he had finally picked the lock to open the door to get the name of the movie he wanted to watch, and told her what it was.

This made me think of time when my children were in elementary school, and I was having a difficult time helping my son with his homework. I had not had the same challenges with my daughter, so when I expressed my frustration to my wife, she said, “Well, Jeff, that’s because your daughter’s mind thinks in the same way your’s does, but your son’s does not.” So I tried a little experiment. I told them that I was going say a word, and I wanted them to tell me immediately what they saw in their heads. I said the word, “cow,” and my daughter then said that she saw the word “cow” in her mind (just like me), but my son proceeded to describe an entire visual scene of cow in a pasture behind a fence. In that moment, I finally understood that my son thought differently than I did, and so he needed a different approach, but he also brought different insight.

This is something that you also need to understand, that not everyone thinks the same way that you do. But that’s a good thing, and we need to accept that, and to see how that is a benefit to our leadership and to our relationships. I think of three important ways that others who think differently than you bring value and need your support:

1. They think of different things. You don’t know everything, and as my dad would say to me, “The more you know, the more you know you don’t know.” Other people know different things than you do, so tapping into their knowledge increases the overall knowledge of your organization.
2. They think in different ways. Because they think differently, they will look from a different angle and through a different lens. The result will be new ideas and different ways of doing things that can increase the overall effectiveness and value of your organization.
3. They need a different approach. They need the freedom and the support to able to think they way they think. If you try to force them to think the way you think through things, you will lose the benefit of the different things they think of and the different ways they think about things.

That’s the lesson on leadership from this little thing in life, from hearing my grandson say out loud how he was processing information in his brain. Not everybody thinks the same way. Different brains process things differently, and because they do, they bring different ideas and perspectives. So when we try to force others to think in the same way that we think, it has a negative impact for them and for us. If you want better knowledge and greater effectiveness, accept and encourage others to think the way that they think, because not everyone thinks the same way.