Life is full of examples that teach us lessons. When we see or hear or experience something from which we can learn, it is that example and experience that often helps us remember the lesson. That’s why stories and illustrations make learning so much more effective. When a story can be used to illustrate or demonstrate a valuable lesson, the story makes it much more understandable, relatable, and memorable. And so I am sharing examples of circumstances and stories that I have experienced in my everyday life, which illustrate leadership lessons that we can learn and apply. This is one of those stories, and it shows us that your walk talks louder than your talk talks.
This is a story that I know I’ve shared before, probably more than once, because of what it illustrates. I was serving as an administrator in a school that was in a different state from where my parents lived, and they came to visit me. It was their first time visiting me there, so nobody knew who they were. My dad came to see me at work during this visit, and sat down in my office to talk with me about what I did in my role. Now, it’s important to understand that my dad was an extreme extrovert, about as extroverted as I am introverted. In fact, I remember him telling me one time, “If I am in an elevator for more than two floors, and there are other people in there with me, it physically hurts me if I don’t start talking to them.“ Suffice it to say, it was not long before he said he wanted to go take a walk around the campus and talk to people. So, he got up and left my office. About 30 minutes later, one of my teachers popped his head in the door and said, “Hey, Jeff, is your dad here?“ I said that he was, and the teacher replied and said, “I thought so, because I saw somebody walking around who walks just like you.” Think about that. He accurately identified my dad because we have the same walk.
So, this makes me think about one of the pages on my website, www.LeadershipEzra.com, called “Quote Your Dad,“ and it is one in which I share a weekly quote that communicates wisdom. Although sometimes I share quotes from other places, most of the time these are literally quotes from my own dad, who was known for the wise sayings that he would share. One of those quotes that I have most frequently shared, and one that I have most frequently repeated when I speak to others, is, “Your walk talks and your talk talks, but your walk talks louder than your talk talks.”
What he meant by that, and what this story illustrates, is that people are observing the way that you act and what you do, and drawing conclusions about who you are based on what they see. In fact, they will more likely draw conclusions about who you are based on what they see you do than on what they hear you say. And that is an incredibly important distinction and lesson for any leader. People both judge you and imitate you based on what they see, often regardless of what you say. More than that, if they see that what you say and what you do don’t match up, they identify that as hypocrisy and a lack of integrity. Therefore, if you are going to lead well, you must pay attention to your walk, and to how it matches your talk. You need to remember these four things:
- People are watching you and learning something about you by what they see, often when you don’t realize it. Just as often, they don’t realize that they’re doing it either.
- People hear what you are saying, even when they don’t hear what you say. That’s because they are listening with their eyes, often more than with their ears.
- People will believe what they see you do more than what they hear you say. If what you say and what you do don’t match, they will judge you based on what you do.
- People will trust you more when what they see you do matches what they hear you say. They will do that because you are showing integrity in who you are, which tells them they can believe you.
That’s the lesson on leadership from this little thing in life, from someone recognizing who my dad was based on the fact that he and I walked the same way. People will see what you do and hear what you say, and then they will make a determination about who you are. They will judge your character first on what they see you do, but then on how it matches what you say. And that’s because your walk talks louder than your talk talks.