Life is full of examples that teach us lessons. That’s why stories and illustrations make learning so much more effective. When a story can be used to illustrate or demonstrate a valuable lesson, the story makes it much more understandable, relatable, and memorable. With that in mind, I want to take some time to do just that – share examples of circumstances and stories experienced in everyday life which illustrate leadership lessons that we can learn and apply. This is one of those examples, and it teaches us about the importance of trying to stay ahead of the issues.
My grandson was sitting on the couch watching an episode of paw patrol, and he was in the process of his potty training. It was time on the training schedule for him to go, so I said, “It’s time to go sit on the potty.“ He was very invested in the show he was watching, however, so he said, “I’m too tired to sit on the potty right now,” lay over on the couch, and started pretending to snore with his eyes open while he watched the show. I said, “If you’re that tired, I will turn off the TV so that you can sleep,” to which he replied (as I paused the show), “Now it’s too quiet for me to sleep, you have to press play so that I can hear some noise while I sleep.” I suppressed my laughter and told my wife that we are going to have to be two steps ahead of this boy, because if we are not, he will always be one step ahead of us!
Even though he was a toddler, he had his own interests in mind, and was trying to accomplish his own ends, so he was thinking ahead as I was thinking in the moment. That little experience with him made me think of some things that I’ve heard my dad and my wife say. Shortly after my wife and I had our first child, I was having a conversation with my dad about some of the things my little baby kept trying to do, and my dad said, “Jeff, I think one of the secrets to parenting is that you always have to be smarter than your kids.“ What he was really telling me was that you have to be able to discern the thought process and the motive in a child’s behavior, think about what that looks like in the future, and have the wisdom to respond appropriately. Years later, when I was navigating an issue in my first head-of-school role, and I was trying to communicate something to parents, my dad told me, “Jeff, it’s always good to try to answer questions before they asked.“ He was helping me to see that I needed to discern what people were really concerned about or what they really wanted to know, and give them the answers that they were seeking before it became a bigger issue by leaving those questions unanswered. That also reminded me of something my wife said in that same first head-of-school experience, when I was venting to her about an issue, but had not yet communicated anything to others who needed to know, and she said, “If you give people a blank page, they will write their own story.”
Those are three valuable principles for leadership that were brought to light by that simple interaction with my grandson. They are true and applicable to your own leadership, and not applying these will result in issues escalating rather than de-escalating. These are critical skills that will help you get ahead of an issue rather than having the issue get ahead of you and wreak havoc. Therefore, when you are facing an issue:
- You need to be smarter than the issue and the people involved. That doesn’t mean you have to have the highest IQ in the room. What it means is that you have to be able to discern what is behind the issue, understand the motives and concerns of the people affected by the issue, and be proactive in how you address those things.
- Answer questions before they are asked. When you are facing an issue, be intentional about thinking through the steps that need to take place, the things that will need to be resolved, and how the difficulties will be managed. Then communicate the information that will answer those questions. And that becomes important because of what’s next.
- If you give people a blank page, they will write their own story. If you don’t communicate the information that they need to hear, but leave them to make up their own ideas, they will likely decide their own reasons behind what is happening, and will talk or behave in ways that are counter to what you need to do, then you will find yourself having to do damage control.
So, the leadership lesson learned from this little experience in life, from a simple interaction with my grandson on the couch, reminds us of how important it is that we respond to issues intentionally. We need to stay ahead of the issues by thinking about the implications and how others are going to be affected, so that we can be proactive. We need to communicate the information that they need to hear, and we need to do it before they make up their own stories about what is happening. And the reason why this is so important is because if you don’t do these things, your mess is going to get messier.
